In January 2021 we took the plunge and uprooted our lives from the UK and moved across the world to Australia.

When we arrived one of my first priorities was to socialise with other people. Integrate myself into the community. This is what I was longing for, even in London I felt that there was not one there. I had friends, but not really what I’d call a community.

I decided to research local community social groups, and I found the Country Women’s Association. Now, if you are from the UK you may have heard of the Women’s Institute. The Country Women’s Association is quite similar.

Each week they run varying traditional activities. These would be sessions such as cookery art classes and book clubs. I thought by joining this group of ladies, not only would I get the opportunity to learn skills but also to socialise.

The ladies of these club are all very lovely to me and were so welcoming. Each time I attend a meeting I feel like a valued member, despite being the newest and youngest there. It’s quite refreshing to be amongst older women, they have interesting stories to tell and some of the conversations are very amusing.

I have been to several meetings since. Whilst I had to get there by public transport which would take up to an hour and a half one way. Colin has been able to drive me on occasion since getting a car, but when he is working one of the ladies has very kindly been picking me up.

Yet, in contrast there was another women’s group that I thought I’d join. These women were varied in age, occupation and nobody in the group was born in Australia. Everyone had stories of leaving their home country and moving to start a new life in Australia. A bit like me except Colin and I are very much intending to return back to the UK. These women had no intention of going back to their home countries.

Now, bare in mind that the advertisement that I saw for this group I now feel is very misleading. What I had in my mind’s eye was a vision of a place women could go and socialise and learn about all sorts of things, with other women. I envisioned exhibition stands, small ones with information about local things. A tea and coffee station perhaps, and a separate part for the ‘lectures’ that were on offer.

It was none of that so as you can imagine when I walked in to see a large group of women sitting down. Clearly all knowing one another not willing to talk to someone new, I felt awkward.

I was ushered in, I had no idea who was in charge, I was told to sit down and sign some paperwork of which I refused to sign. I don’t like being forced into things by anyone, so I sat there and took my time to read it to make sure I understood it. They got impatient with me at this point.

Then there was a speech, and again the lady didn’t introduce herself so I didn’t know who she was. We all introduced ourselves to the group. Except that lady who I eventually found out was the leader running the event.

We were thrown into a Zumba class. I knew Zumba was on the agenda, but I didn’t know we would all be forced to do it, and of course I hadn’t gone dressed for it.

It made me feel much more uncomfortable than I was already feeling, and to make matters much worse the leader was filming the class. I had not given my consent to be filmed so this made me quite angry. At this point I am feeling awkward and angry and I’m wondering when would be socially acceptable for me to leave.

After it was finished I saw a chance to make my escape. As I am packing up to leave they brought food out. The leader didn’t tell me there would be food, I had planned to eat lunch with Colin. All I wanted to do was leave, and never go back there. I had managed to speak to some of the women by this point. I told the leader I was leaving, she made me feel guilty for not eating anything. I picked up a few crackers, as I wasn’t going to eat the main food, as it was full of dairy.

One woman asked me why I wasn’t eating and I told her politely how I shouldn’t eat dairy. She proceeded to tell me she was also lactose intolerant. She had been on the toilet three times that morning and yet she was still eating some. I left.

The next day I was thinking about how I was going to tell this woman that I never wanted to go back there again. I wrote a long email that detailed why, and then didn’t send it. Instead I decided to send a simple email saying that I wouldn’t be going back. Later that day she called me asking why, then proceeded to yell at me telling me I was wrong.

I hope she one day learns to listen to others. To take on feedback to improve the service that she and her department offers. Until then, I am very relieved never to speak to or see her again. You can also see why I preferred the CWA.

In time I hope that I will meet people around the same age as me, but until then I’m happy to be around older ladies who can teach me things.

Credit to the photograph on this page goes to Laura Chouette via Unsplash

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